Thursday, March 03, 2016

Ten Techniques to Be Happier in 2016 (Part 3 of 10)

Technique #3: Get Fit

If you think about it, there really is nothing more important in life than to feel good.  If we feel good, we can accomplish anything, our outlook is brighter, and our energy higher.  (Which is why those who suffer from chronic pain or persistent health conditions tend to become defeated and hopeless.)
 
In this country, we spend billions every year on feeling good.  But take away the ice cream, spas, golf courses, and anti-depressant medications, and what we’re left with is the simple truth that the path to feeling good begins with a healthy diet and exercise.
 
We are what we eat, which is why eating healthy just makes sense.  People who avoid junk food look better, feel better, and even smell better.  It is a commonly held belief among medical professionals that just about every human illness is based on some form of nutritional deficiency.  Expanding upon Hippocrates contention that the food we consume is our medicine, Dr. Vijaya Sathe, founder of London’s Commonwealth Institute of Acupressure and Natural Medicine, states “give the body what it needs, and the body heals itself.” 
 
Ah – exercise.  Unless you’ve been living under a rock, everyone knows regular exercise translates into a more positive physical, mental, and emotional state, while simultaneously boosting the immune system and preventing a host of stress related illnesses.  And exercise produces Seratonin, a brain chemical responsible for maintaining mood balance and contributing to happiness and wellbeing. Yet according to Fitnesshealth101.com, studies have shown that while 75% of American adults are overweight or obese, only 26% participate in physical exercise three or more times per week.
 
So why don’t we exercise more?  Maybe it’s because we’re so tired! 

American workers are putting in more hours nowadays than any time in history, which makes prying oneself from the couch a monumental effort, especially with the 24/7 must-see programming streaming at us on all two thousand channels of our various devices.  Nor does it help that most people view exercise as an intrinsically unpleasant pursuit reserved for professional athletes, masochists, and other proponents of self-inflicted torture.   
 
Fact: we are each given only one body.  Suppose for a moment that you only get to own one car during your entire lifetime.  How would you care for your one and only car?  I suspect you’d want to keep it running as long as possible.  If it breaks down, you’re stranded at home, unable to work, and left to collect welfare and eat fast food delivery until your cash runs out.  Your world shrinks to the distance you can walk, and traveling beyond that radius is dependent on the charity of others or mass transportation – assuming you can afford bus fare.  Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?
 
Flipping this concept on end, if your car was your body, would you want your back seat filled to the door handles with fast foot wrappers and empty coffee cups, your windows fogged and greasy, an inch of grime encrusting the exterior?  Of course not!  Because you need your car to last the rest of your days, you would do everything within your power to see that it serves you until your cataracts get so bad the DMV refuses to renew your license. 
 
So why not start today?  Contrary to what you’re thinking, getting fit isn’t some distant mountain peak miles beyond your reach.  All journeys begin with the first step, and that step can be a baby step.  Do something small at first – say eliminate sugar from your diet – or at least unnecessary refined sugar.  (Would it kill you to cut out the soda and dessert?)  Inches eventually turn into miles.  And even if it takes the rest of your life to get there, at least you’ll be around to cross the finish line. 
 
 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Ten Techniques to Be Happier in 2016 (Part 2 of 10)

Technique #2: Meditate

In a nutshell, meditation is a “training of the mind” which has been practiced by individuals and certain religions for centuries with the goal of promoting relaxation, concentration, and building internal energy.  Even today, however, meditation tends to be misunderstood as some sort of weird mind-control hocus pocus used by hippies and yogis, when in fact it is nothing more than a collection of techniques and tools used to quiet the mind and increase one’s focus. 


In today’s day and age, our minds are very busy – creating problems, solving them, and creating new ones.  Meditation assists us in ceasing that vicious cycle of thinking, allowing the mind to remain still and empty for a short period every day.  People who regularly practice meditation describe themselves as feeling calmer, more in control, better able to face the challenges of the day with greater equanimity, and decreased susceptibility to road rage and other violent outbursts. 
 
One of the key benefits of a daily practice of meditation is holding one’s attention in the present.  In his 1971 book on meditation, yoga, and spirituality, Ram Dass reminds us to Be Here Now.  Believers of this philosophy will tell you the past contains nothing but pain and disappointment and the future only fear and uncertainty, leaving the present as man’s only refuge of solitude and peace. Meditation is a simple tool to help you get present and stay there longer, thus increasing your level of happy. 
 
There are many terrific books, recordings, and apps introduce to meditation.  One of my favorites is Headspace simple easy to follow 10 day instruction that will teach newcomers how to meditate.  Simply Being is another good one.  Both are available in the iTunes and Google Play stores.  There are dozens of meditation and self-hypnosis apps out there as well.

Om-m-m-m-m-m.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Ten Techniques to Be Happier in 2016 (Part 1 of 10)

Technique #1: Unplug


Technology:  it’s everywhere.  Yes, it increases our productivity.  Yes it helps us to stay in constant contact with family and friends.  Yes it allows us to track the activities and whereabouts of our favorite celebrities from dawn to dusk.  And yes, in enables us to anonymously keep tabs on old high school crushes.  Plus, with an entire world of information at our fingertips, we all are now subject matter experts on every conceivable topic from making a perfect Apple Brown Betty to replacing the solenoid in a 1973 Buick Electra, or performing a DIY root canal. 

Make no mistake, however – technology is changing who we are.  Studies have shown that technology is rewiring our kids’ brains, organically intertwining their minds with the devices they use, and causing them to process information in an entirely different, more computer-like way.  My twelve year old, for example, can set up a home entertainment system faster than I can tie my shoes, and my sixteen year old becomes anxious when she’s without her phone for more than five minutes, as it has become the sole portal into her social existence.

The American Academy of Pediatrics blames overexposure to media as a leading contributing factor in aggressive behavior, obesity, poor school performance, sexual promiscuity, cyber bullying, and hemorrhoids (kidding).  And while visual media are fast replacing old fashioned textbooks in the classroom due to the greater ease in keeping instructional materials up to date, Psychology Today suggests the act of reading printed media tends to develop reflection, critical thinking, problem solving, and vocabulary better than the electronic counterparts. 

So in the new year, I challenge you to unplug.  Pick a day – even a half day to start – and shut off your electronics.  See how you feel.  Based on personal experience, at first you may feel out of touch, uninformed, alone, and desperate for a drink.  Then, ever so slowly, the quiet becomes cozy, almost comforting.  When nothing bad happens, you relax, coming to realize you’re not really missing out on anything important.  Your stress level goes down; your happiness quotient creeps up.  What do you have to lose (except maybe your hemorrhoids)?

 

Friday, December 18, 2015

2015 Layne Family Christmas Letter

It is once again that festive time of year when we gather around the Christmas tree, raise our steaming mugs of mulled wine, and join together singing Negro spirituals.
Sadly, the Laynes have dedicated 2015 to proving themselves the most boring family on Earth, resulting in perhaps the dullest edition of this tome ever.  You’d think they could at least count on Taffy to get skunked or eaten by a coyote, but alas, no.  If they don’t step up their game in 2016, their humdrum existence and inability to do anything even remotely interesting or humorous may spell the end of this annual treatise to the foibles of family hood.
Amanda's sophomore year is proving no more kind in terms of homework or her social discomfort.  She finds high school girls a disingenuous gaggle of despicable , backstabbing, self-absorbed narcissists concerned only with their own Snapchat stories, and the school itself a fetid petri dish of virulent disease.  So far, she has fought the urge to follow fully in Howard Hughes footsteps, stopping short of refusing to trim her fingernails or engaging in profligate substance abuse.  Karen and Mark hope the bio-containment suit they bought her for Xmas fits.
The victim of successive concussions during her freshman soccer season, Amanda is the only student in her driver’s education class who wears a crash helmet and balaclava – not because she is reckless, but in case some old woman on a mobility scooter races past and runs her off the road.  For Thanksgiving, Amanda traveled to Colorado with some friends to visit a former classmate who moved there to flee religious persecution and partake in the many medicinal benefits of cannabis.  It was nice to have only one child at home to complain during the holidays.  Karen and Mark are already planning her summer-long trip to Sri Lanka.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, Leslie and Jayson ventured north to join us once again.  Jayson continues to grow at such a violent pace that he will soon overtake Texas as the second largest state in the union.  Leslie has been forced to special order his shoes from a shipbuilder in Newport News, VA.
Speaking of shoes, Allyson was placed under a special order of protection by the FBI when they discovered radical Islamic terrorists wanted to use her feet to develop a deadly neuro toxin.  It all started when Karen’s car was impounded by Homeland Security after Ally left her softball cleats in back overnight, causing the morning car pool passengers to become nauseated and disoriented.
Fortunately, Ally and Amanda are getting along better – on alternate Tuesdays.  Having grown tired of listening to Amanda bemoan her disease du jour, Ally has generously extended an open invitation to escort Amanda to the “dying hole.”
For Spring Break, the clan endured the 6.2 million mile car ride to Sanibel, FL, for the annual Bald Guys Gone Wild festivities.  After driving for sixteen days, they arrived at the quaint island paradise populated primarily by bicycle-wielding octogenarians.  Tragedy was narrowly averted when Karen veered off the bike path and tumbled into a Mangrove swamp, almost losing the tomato she just purchased at the local market for $17.95.  Fortunately, she protected the rented bike from serious damage, using her body to cushion its fall.  Though badly bruised and humiliated, her security deposit was returned in full.
Speaking of the beach, Mark continues to gradually disintegrate like a sand castle at high tide.  Owing to his once beloved University of Illinois’ steadfast dedication to bolstering its reputation as the bellwether for malfeasance and mismanagement in higher education, Mark has traded his Bachelor’s degree for a certificate of completion from the Pivot Point School of Beauty and Cosmetology.  He’s offering a special on French manicures during the month of January.  Book your appointments now.
As J.B. Priestly said of Christmas, “Something in me resists the calendar expectation of happiness.”
Nevertheless, Merry Christmas to All, and to All Good Grief,
Karen, Mark, Amanda, Ally, and Taffy      

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Illinois (Dis)Loyalty

Amidst the clumsy handling of Tim Beckman's long overdue entry into the annals of Illinois football mediocrity, the University of Illinois finds itself embroiled in yet another scandal serving to tarnish the reputation of my once proud Alma Mater.

With this in mind, I am sponsoring a contest to re-write Illinois Loyalty to more befit the University's current laughing stock stature.  The top three entries (selected by me) will receive one of my old U of I T-shits, size large, that I am now too ashamed to wear.  Submit by using the contact form at www.workingwordsproductions.com.

My attempt is below:


We’re embarrassed for you, Illinois

You haven’t a clue, Illinois.

You’ve tested our pride,

The alumni will hide,

We’ve abandoned your side, Illinois.

Ha, ha.

So pack up your ball, Illinois

Prepare for a fall, Illinois

Our spirit is broke

Your reputation’s a joke

We can’t stop laughing at you, Illinois

Hee-hee, hee-ha, hee-ha-ha-ha.

Oh, Illini, oh!

Hee-hee, hee-ha, hee-ha-ha-ha.

Oh, Illini, oh!

Illinois, Illinois, Illinois

Throw out that spirit wear of

Orange and Blue

Have all your sons and daughters

Enroll at Purdue

Wave goodbye to tradition

Enter sedition, won’t pay your tuition

 
Ouchy-ow-ow!

 
Amid the scandals yearly

Rocking our land

For graft and exploitation

You proudly stand

Our loyalty has sadly reached an end

Dear Alma Mater, Illinois