Tuesday, December 24, 2019

2019 Layne Family Christmas Poem




'Twas just days before Christmas, the end of the year.
Poor Karen and Mark were in need of a beer.
No stockings were hung, no gifts by the tree,
No money was left to buy them, you see.

The year started with promise, to Disney they flew,
To escape the cold weather, and bouts of the flu.
With Amanda not sleeping and Mark’s wallet so tight,
Karen asked them to leave the very first night.

For nineteen odd years we lived in a place
With flowers and trees and acres of space.
Our beautiful home, looked over a pond
Where turtles and egrets and herons abound.

With Amanda in college and Naz far away,
Ally’s drive was too long, over an hour each day.
So we listed the house, put a sign in the yard
Not guessing that moving would be so damn hard.

After three failed attempts, the house finally sold
To a couple of numbskulls, millennials we’re told.
With prices so high, our choices were few.
As closing approached, we knew not what to do.

Our time had run out, mere weeks left to spare.
We couldn’t be picky, our broker despaired.
Though the house that we chose was truly a wreck.
We signed on the line, and wrote-out the check.

Mark filled up a folder with questions and notes.
We sharpened our pencils, solicited quotes.
It wasn’t so scary.  How bad could it be?
They make it look easy on HGTV.

Out kitchens and bathrooms!
Out carpets and doors!
Gone lighting and fixtures!
Gone toilets and floors!
From the top of the roof
To the first level hall,
Now throw away! 
Throw away!
Throw away all!

The list was too long, the destruction too great
It seemed that we’d put far too much on our plate.
With no place to go, and no way to win,
To the rescue came Syl, who took us all in.

On May 17, the moving trucks came
To pick up our stuff, in down pouring rain.
We moved in with mom, invading her space
Our parcels and bags all over the place.

It wouldn’t be long, we said to ourselves.
The work was cosmetic - cabinets, counters, and shelves.
We figured we’d be there a month, maybe two,
We’d hired what seemed like a competent crew.

We visited often. The progress was slow.
Amanda was frantic, ready to blow.
Two months had gone by, with much left to do.
The girls were not happy sharing a room.
The adults were both wedged in too small a bed.
Mark gave up on sleep, working instead.
The pressure was mounting, oh when to move in?
Syl’s once stoic patience began to wear thin.

Our wits at the end, each losing their cool,
Amanda so bummed, she stayed home from school.
Karen postponed our move one last time.
It was now late in August, the end of the line.

We couldn’t move forward, we dared not look back,
We had to do something to get back on track.
So taking the matter into our own hands
We picked up some brushes and opened some cans.

No strangers to work, the whole family pitched in.
Amanda took charge of painting the trim.
Mark finished two rooms, including the shed.
Karen and Ally assembled the beds.

After five brutal months, we were finally in.
Syl said goodbye to her wayfaring kin.
The house was all shiny, pretty and bright.
All slept rather well, that first homey night.

We spent a small fortune, using one of those cards
Which offer free miles, the more that you charge.
With thousands of credits ready to blow,
The world is our oyster, with nowhere to go.

We somehow survived our summer from hell,
Though Amanda still is not doing so well.
Penniless, beaten, exhausted and fazed,
We’ll always remember those nightmarish days.

So hear this fair warning, before you agree
To fix up a dump – you can take it from me.
We were wrong to ignore that small voice when it said,

“You’re better off renting a condo instead!”


Merry Christmas to All, and to All Good Grief,

                         Karen, Mark, Amanda, Ally, and Maggie

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