Trump Immigration Policy Undermines US Small Business

In yet another example of the unintended consequences of misguided federal policy, the Trump immigration plan is hitting US small business interests where it hurts most – in their bottom line.

Ralph Carter is an Uber driver in Chicago.  His livelihood depends on picking up his fares when promised, and delivering them to their destinations quickly and efficiently.

 

“It was all good until Trump comes up with this cockamamie plan to send all the illegals back to Mexico.  Now it takes me twice, maybe three times as long to get where I'm goin'.”

  

Carter claims Trump’s initiative to secure the US-Mexico border has slowed travel on Chicago’s highways and byways to an absolute crawl.  “I used to be able to go from downtown to over by O’Hare in forty minutes or less.  Now it takes me an hour and a half or more.  How’s a guy supposed to make a living?”

It would seem Chicago’s substantial Mexican community is grappling with a newfound sense of fear over possible arrest and deportation fueled by Trump’s hard-line stance on illegal immigration.

“Look,” said Carter.  “I like Mexicans as much as the next guy.  Their food is fantastic, and nobody else can make my lawn look nice how I like it.  But they need to get the hell out of my way.  I got places I need to be.”

Carter’s complaint is that illegals drive at least ten miles an hour below the posted speed limit for fear of getting pulled over and carded, thus adding to the congestion of  the already clogged area roadways.

  

Says Carter, “Look – if you want to be inconspicuous, then don’t drive twenty miles an hour in the left lane with your nose to the steering wheel, refusing to make eye contact with anybody.  It’s a dead giveaway.”

Carter contends that the driving habits of Mexican illegals have cost him thousands in missed fare opportunities during the past six months alone.   

His advice to them?  “Get a bicycle, and keep off the roads.  Let a guy make a buck, for Pete’s sake.”

A White House spokesperson had no comment.

White Sox Fans' Silver Lining

Dear Chicago White Sox Fans,
The nightmare many of you feared and most never dreamed possible has finally come to roost as the Cubs won their first World Series since the release of the Ford Model T.  No question difficult times lie ahead as you are forced to endure the speech-making, proselytizing, and gloating of the die-hard faithful, each of whom believe they played no small role in the franchise's historic rise to glory.

To add insult to injury, baseball gurus are predicting this team could become a dynasty with the potential to make multiple runs at the Series during the next four or five seasons, thus salting your wounds and prolonging your agony.

Let me explain why this is a good thing...

With their continued success, demand for tickets will leave the Ricketts family no choice but to move the team out of that archaic sandlot they call the "friendly confines" to a modern venue with a relevant seating capacity, thus wreaking economic devastation upon Wrigleyville and putting a swift end to the 24-7-365 frat party perpetuated by those smug, self-important locals who treat the neighborhood like their own personal theme park and the Cubs organization like a beloved pet.

It may be small consolation, but to paraphrase Carl Spackler, at least you've got that going for you, which is nice.