COLUMBUS - Adding to his current legal woes, former Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky faces new charges stemming from allegations that he violated Ohio law during his tenure at Penn State University.
The indictment cites a little known but long standing Ohio law prohibiting the “exportation of football talent, skills, or other gridiron knowhow” outside the state of Ohio.
Sandusky’s attorneys believe the law’s reach should not extend to Sandusky, a native of Pennsylvania whose only connection to the Buckeye state is the name he shares with a small Ohio town located on Lake Erie between Cleveland and Toledo which is perhaps best known as the home of Cedar Point amusement park.
Ohio governor John Kasich fully supports the law and stands behind the state’s obligation to enforce it.
“It is against the very fabric of our being to allow football talent that rightfully belongs to the people of Ohio the unrestricted ability to defect to neighboring states,” said Kasich. “Take away football, and you might as well change our name to Illinois.”
US Senator Rob Portman (R-OH) concurs. “Whereas other states are known for their tobacco, automobiles, or unusual items made from corn, our cash crop, so to speak, is football – specifically football coaches.”
Virtually unpublicized outside the Buckeye state, the law is routine among those who have worked in and around Ohio’s football industry over the years.
Former Florida Gators coach, ESPN analyst, and Ohio native Urban Meyer didn’t realize the decades old legislation extended to persons with such tenuous connections to the state, however.
“Former coaches and players have always known we could never bring our talents elsewhere and expect to come back,” said Meyer. “It never occurred to me that the law might also extend to someone whose name just happened to be Cleveland, or Dayton, or Beavercreek.”
Fellow ESPN analyst Lee Corso doesn’t understand all the fuss over the law which he believes makes ultimate sense.
“Let’s be honest,” quipped Corso. “Less than 4% of the US population lives in Ohio, yet over 15% of FBS head coaches were born there, which is more than any other state. Face it folks, Ohio is football and football is Ohio.”
It is this very law that recently disgraced Ohio State University football coach Jim Tressel claims imprisoned him in Ohio for much of his professional life, and was the primary cause behind his recent dismissal.
“To people on the outside, my situation looked like a scandal, a cover-up,” said Tressel. “To me, it was my ticket to freedom.”
During his weekly radio broadcast, Eagles guitar virtuoso Joe Walsh – a one time Columbus resident and Kent State grad – expressed sympathy for Jim Tressel’s plight. Referring to the famous song lyric, “You can check out but you can never leave,” Walsh commented that while most people think the song Hotel California is about the west coast drug culture, it’s really about Ohio.
As an example of just how pervasive football culture is in Ohio, a Youngstown high school football coach who asked not to be identified admitted he advises his senior players that if they accept a scholarship to play football at an out-of-state college or university, they must renounce their Ohio citizenship, and could even face arrest should any be so foolish as to attend the University of Michigan and later get caught trespassing on Ohio soil.
“They are crazy down there,” said new Michigan head man Brady Hoke. “We have number of players on our roster from Ohio. Whenever we travel to Columbus, we get them in and out fast as we can before any trouble starts. And sometimes we make them wear dresses and silly hats.”
When asked for his take on the indictment, legendary Miami Dolphins head coach and Ohio native Don Shula mumbled something about Woody Hayes, then asked to be moved closer to an open window.
If convicted, the 67 year old Sandusky – a former protégé of legendary Nittany Lions head coach Joe “Pa” Paterno – could spend the rest of his natural life collecting tolls on the Ohio turnpike.
