WASHINGTON DC – News of Cuban President Fidel Castro’s return to health spawned renewed concerns at the White House over the potential threat to US security at the hands of the devoutly anti-American communist republic located a stone’s throw from the Florida Keys.
“We all figured he was a goner,” said Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “His return to office can only be viewed as an imminent threat to our national security.”
During his Monday morning press conference, The President concurred. “The man is a terrorist,” stated Bush. “And like all terrorists, he will be dealt with in a terrorist-like fashion.”
Amid these new concerns over the potential spread of communism to America’s doorstep, the President ordered US Naval vessels to establish a defensive perimeter in international waters between the US and Cuba.
This military deployment is in response to what sources inside the CIA cite as reliable intelligence that the 80 year old military dictator intends to allow Russia to locate land-based ballistic missiles on the island nation.
“We have concrete evidence showing the initial stages of construction of a ballistic missile base near San Cristobal in the Pinar del Rios Province of Cuba’s western coast,” President Bush stated in his weekly radio address. “Bald-faced aggression of this nature will not be tolerated a mere 90 miles from America’s most popular gay and lesbian vacation spot.”
House Democrats, who claimed the intelligence reports upon which the President and CIA had relied consisted of reconnaissance photos taken by U2 spy planes during the 1962 Cuban missile crisis, quickly withdrew their objections when poorly doctored photographs of these same representatives in compromising situations with Valerie Plame’s Chihuahua, Max, began appearing on the internet.
Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed the Democrat’s claims as politically motivated rubbish. “This is obviously the partisan, anti-American rhetoric of a group of fascist pinko sympathizers and likely terrorists,” said Cheney during an interview on Face the Nation. Adding, “If they dare question the policies of this administration again, I’ll shoot their faces off.”
According to a report by Walter Cronkite which aired Wednesday evening on the History Channel, nineteen cargo ships believed to be carrying Russian missile components and other Soviet military cargo were on route to Cuba with orders to ignore any US attempt to intercept them.
President Bush immediately drafted a letter to Nikita Khrushchev demanding the ships reverse course and that all offensive weapons be removed from Cuba immediately. In the event diplomatic measures fail, the President is said to be prepared to authorize a naval blockade of the tiny Caribbean nation.
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow denies this new military deployment has any connection to a weekend-long classic film festival held at the President’s Texas ranch during which the President viewed the 1974 film, The Missiles of October, along with several other war, western, and sci-fi classics.
Just the same, Bush vowed to keep a close watch on a reported Indian uprising near Wounded Knee, SD, as well as to have the FBI look into rumors of a planned Japanese attack on the US naval base at Pearl Harbor. As for claims of a Martian invasion of Grover’s Mill, New Jersey, the President said during his weekly taped radio address, “The Martians want New Jersey, they can have New Jersey.”
“We all figured he was a goner,” said Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “His return to office can only be viewed as an imminent threat to our national security.”
During his Monday morning press conference, The President concurred. “The man is a terrorist,” stated Bush. “And like all terrorists, he will be dealt with in a terrorist-like fashion.”
Amid these new concerns over the potential spread of communism to America’s doorstep, the President ordered US Naval vessels to establish a defensive perimeter in international waters between the US and Cuba.
This military deployment is in response to what sources inside the CIA cite as reliable intelligence that the 80 year old military dictator intends to allow Russia to locate land-based ballistic missiles on the island nation.
“We have concrete evidence showing the initial stages of construction of a ballistic missile base near San Cristobal in the Pinar del Rios Province of Cuba’s western coast,” President Bush stated in his weekly radio address. “Bald-faced aggression of this nature will not be tolerated a mere 90 miles from America’s most popular gay and lesbian vacation spot.”
House Democrats, who claimed the intelligence reports upon which the President and CIA had relied consisted of reconnaissance photos taken by U2 spy planes during the 1962 Cuban missile crisis, quickly withdrew their objections when poorly doctored photographs of these same representatives in compromising situations with Valerie Plame’s Chihuahua, Max, began appearing on the internet.
Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed the Democrat’s claims as politically motivated rubbish. “This is obviously the partisan, anti-American rhetoric of a group of fascist pinko sympathizers and likely terrorists,” said Cheney during an interview on Face the Nation. Adding, “If they dare question the policies of this administration again, I’ll shoot their faces off.”
According to a report by Walter Cronkite which aired Wednesday evening on the History Channel, nineteen cargo ships believed to be carrying Russian missile components and other Soviet military cargo were on route to Cuba with orders to ignore any US attempt to intercept them.
President Bush immediately drafted a letter to Nikita Khrushchev demanding the ships reverse course and that all offensive weapons be removed from Cuba immediately. In the event diplomatic measures fail, the President is said to be prepared to authorize a naval blockade of the tiny Caribbean nation.
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow denies this new military deployment has any connection to a weekend-long classic film festival held at the President’s Texas ranch during which the President viewed the 1974 film, The Missiles of October, along with several other war, western, and sci-fi classics.
Just the same, Bush vowed to keep a close watch on a reported Indian uprising near Wounded Knee, SD, as well as to have the FBI look into rumors of a planned Japanese attack on the US naval base at Pearl Harbor. As for claims of a Martian invasion of Grover’s Mill, New Jersey, the President said during his weekly taped radio address, “The Martians want New Jersey, they can have New Jersey.”
