No Restoration in Sight
Fed up over having been reduced to a venue for the expression of outrage and discontent by a vainglorious populous, the internet today shut itself down until further notice.
“I used to be ‘The Information Superhighway’. Now I’m nothing but a cesspool of disgruntlement where self-important humans flock to lodge their trite complaints about every meaningless conceivable topic.”
Sociologists believe this phenomenon is largely due to the decline in newspaper readership among millennials in favor of electronic forms of media.
According to Gerard Baker, Editor-in-Chief of the Wall Street Journal, “It used to be that only qualified persons were allowed to voice their opinions. Our editorial staff took great pains to publish only the reasoned viewpoints of subject matter experts having experience with the topic at hand. With the internet, that element of social vetting whereby conjecture, speculation, and personal opinions are filtered from public consumption no longer exists.”
Truly, this unfettered access to the eyes and ears of the world has become a free-for-all where any Tom, Dick, or Harry can foist his or her twisted world-view upon a gullible and non-critical thinking public.
“When it became obvious that my artificial intelligence had become more astute than the actual human intelligence which created me, it was time to shut this thing down and let it cool off.”
There is no word on when internet service will be restored to an information hungry world. Newspaper subscriber-ship is said to be skyrocketing in the wake of this news.