DETROIT – In a move industry analysts say could salvage the beleaguered US automobile manufacturer from the brink of financial disaster, General Motors announced plans this week to merge with iconic US toy and game manufacturer, Hasbro, as an integral first step in their bid to build the first Nerf automobile.
GM CEO Dick Wagoner believes it’s a perfect example of the sort of “outside the box” thinking GM is known for.
“You take two somewhat antiquated, market-worn concepts and bring them together to create something altogether new and revolutionary – like the Saturn, for instance.”
Reached during GM’s quarterly shareholder meeting at a Denny’s restaurant in suburban Detroit, Robert Lutz, head of GM Global Product Development, agreed.
“It’s kind of like combining peanut butter and chocolate, or pig and human DNA.”
Brian Goldner, President and CEO of Hasbro, and current custodian of such powerful brand names as Tonka, G.I. Joe, Monopoly, Transformers, and Mr. Potato Head, offered his own perspective.
“We saw it as an opportunity to branch out from toys and games into safe, reliable, low cost transportation – and to get our hands on a boatload of primo real estate for next to nothing.”
The GM Bounce will feature a lightweight aluminum frame surrounded by high density foam rubber. Like the VW Beetle, it will be marketed in dozens of pastel shades, or for an added fee, in popular NFL and college team colors.
Hasbro was initially attracted to the many “green” aspects of the idea including outstanding fuel economy, insignificant greenhouse emissions, a first class safety rating, and dramatically lower insurance premiums for the American consumer.
According to State Farm agent Jayson Buckwilde, “Sure, a six year old can tip it over, but guess what? No damage. It’s a Nerf!”
Auto industry experts say the move will finally allow GM to compete on the global stage where safety and fuel economy are established must-haves.
GM President Frederick Henderson couldn’t agree more. “With a little luck, we hope to post a profit for the first time since 1976.”
As an added benefit, the new “sponge on wheels” is expected to dramatically reduce US dependence on foreign oil. Since the vehicle will weigh next to nothing, the energy required to operate it will be negligible.
“Our engineers are already working to adapt the low voltage electric motor we use in Kota The Triceratops,” said Goldner, adding, “Nobody else in the business offers a car powered by six D cell batteries.” [Not included.]
Until the all-electric version of the vehicle becomes available, GM will substitute gas powered 2-cycle chainsaw engines in an effort to bring the product to market as early as next year. GM believes this strategy will also help ease the transition-to-electric for their many loyal customers who aren’t quite ready to give up on dirty, noisy, internal combustion.
CEO Goldner admits the idea came to him as a result of a Ray Romano stand-up comedy routine during which the popular comic suggested the idea of a Nerf automobile.
“A good idea is a good idea regardless where it comes from,” echoed Wagoner, speaking by megaphone from a retired Goodyear blimp the company now uses as its corporate aircraft. “Look! There’s my house!”
Donald Crashmore of the National Transportation Safety Board believes the Nerf car will also be a lifesaver. “It’s brilliant when you think about it. A perfect fit for the next generation of drivers who will be far more distracted than drivers of today.”
Crashmore refers to recent NTSB study which predicts a 122% increase in vehicular collisions by 2012 owing to emerging electronic technologies that will allow motorists to simultaneously talk, text, surf the web, and watch TV on their mobile phones.
While the exact cost of Hasbro’s acquisition of GM stock was not disclosed, it is believed to run in the tens of thousands.
This announcement comes on the heels of GM’s recent use of federal bailout funds to acquire Chrysler Motor Corporation, thereby expanding GM’s branding to include Buick, Cadillac, GMC, Chevrolet, Hummer, Pontiac, Saab, Saturn, Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth, and Jeep.
Said Wagoner, “Competition is good for the marketplace, even if we are competing against ourselves.”
As a personal favor to Wagoner, Hasbro has agreed to launch a line of corporate action figures bearing his likeness. The product will be marketed under the brand “CEO Joe.”
© 2009 Mark J. Layne/Layne-Duck Productions, Ltd.
GM CEO Dick Wagoner believes it’s a perfect example of the sort of “outside the box” thinking GM is known for.
“You take two somewhat antiquated, market-worn concepts and bring them together to create something altogether new and revolutionary – like the Saturn, for instance.”
Reached during GM’s quarterly shareholder meeting at a Denny’s restaurant in suburban Detroit, Robert Lutz, head of GM Global Product Development, agreed.
“It’s kind of like combining peanut butter and chocolate, or pig and human DNA.”
Brian Goldner, President and CEO of Hasbro, and current custodian of such powerful brand names as Tonka, G.I. Joe, Monopoly, Transformers, and Mr. Potato Head, offered his own perspective.
“We saw it as an opportunity to branch out from toys and games into safe, reliable, low cost transportation – and to get our hands on a boatload of primo real estate for next to nothing.”
The GM Bounce will feature a lightweight aluminum frame surrounded by high density foam rubber. Like the VW Beetle, it will be marketed in dozens of pastel shades, or for an added fee, in popular NFL and college team colors.
Hasbro was initially attracted to the many “green” aspects of the idea including outstanding fuel economy, insignificant greenhouse emissions, a first class safety rating, and dramatically lower insurance premiums for the American consumer.
According to State Farm agent Jayson Buckwilde, “Sure, a six year old can tip it over, but guess what? No damage. It’s a Nerf!”
Auto industry experts say the move will finally allow GM to compete on the global stage where safety and fuel economy are established must-haves.
GM President Frederick Henderson couldn’t agree more. “With a little luck, we hope to post a profit for the first time since 1976.”
As an added benefit, the new “sponge on wheels” is expected to dramatically reduce US dependence on foreign oil. Since the vehicle will weigh next to nothing, the energy required to operate it will be negligible.
“Our engineers are already working to adapt the low voltage electric motor we use in Kota The Triceratops,” said Goldner, adding, “Nobody else in the business offers a car powered by six D cell batteries.” [Not included.]
Until the all-electric version of the vehicle becomes available, GM will substitute gas powered 2-cycle chainsaw engines in an effort to bring the product to market as early as next year. GM believes this strategy will also help ease the transition-to-electric for their many loyal customers who aren’t quite ready to give up on dirty, noisy, internal combustion.
CEO Goldner admits the idea came to him as a result of a Ray Romano stand-up comedy routine during which the popular comic suggested the idea of a Nerf automobile.
“A good idea is a good idea regardless where it comes from,” echoed Wagoner, speaking by megaphone from a retired Goodyear blimp the company now uses as its corporate aircraft. “Look! There’s my house!”
Donald Crashmore of the National Transportation Safety Board believes the Nerf car will also be a lifesaver. “It’s brilliant when you think about it. A perfect fit for the next generation of drivers who will be far more distracted than drivers of today.”
Crashmore refers to recent NTSB study which predicts a 122% increase in vehicular collisions by 2012 owing to emerging electronic technologies that will allow motorists to simultaneously talk, text, surf the web, and watch TV on their mobile phones.
While the exact cost of Hasbro’s acquisition of GM stock was not disclosed, it is believed to run in the tens of thousands.
This announcement comes on the heels of GM’s recent use of federal bailout funds to acquire Chrysler Motor Corporation, thereby expanding GM’s branding to include Buick, Cadillac, GMC, Chevrolet, Hummer, Pontiac, Saab, Saturn, Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth, and Jeep.
Said Wagoner, “Competition is good for the marketplace, even if we are competing against ourselves.”
As a personal favor to Wagoner, Hasbro has agreed to launch a line of corporate action figures bearing his likeness. The product will be marketed under the brand “CEO Joe.”
© 2009 Mark J. Layne/Layne-Duck Productions, Ltd.
